Diary of our little angel

Scan photo's of baby Molly the first on the 28/03/2001 the second 31/05/2001

In the Beginning

Claire and Mark before 2nd scan at Guy's Hospital.

Monday 29th January 2001 .
Done a pregnancy test today its positive , we are both shocked but we are very happy .

Wednesday 28th March 2001 .
Appointment at St . Johns Hospital our local hospital for dating scan , everything seems fine , dates match . Seemed so strange to see the baby on the screen I couldn't help but shed a tear.

Thursday 31st May 2001 .
F/A scan ( 20 week scan ) baby wasn't being very good for the lady doing the scan so I was told to have a walk round the hospital to wake baby up and we would try again , I went back into the room to carry on the scan when another lady came in , my heart sank 'is there something wrong?' I asked I was told not to worry ( to late ) they would tell me when Mark was with me , in he came to see me , we were then told they couldn't see all four chambers of the heart and they were going to refer me to Guys Hospital in London for a more detailed scan but we can't get an appointment until Monday , but not to worry to much . How can we not worry this is our first baby and something is wrong .

Molly's Secret

Monday 4th of June 2001.

Appointment at Guys.
We got to the hospital quite early so had to waste some time before the appointment . At 2.00pm I had my scan the man doing the scan ( Dr Simpson ) was very quiet and it seemed to take forever , he looked up at us and said that baby had a very serious heart condition and then showed us into a little room to explain what was wrong . He told us that our baby had a condition called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome , we were given three options :
1.A Termination
2.Choose compassionate care ( bring baby home and let it go peacefully )
3.Surgery soon after birth.

We immediately chose the third option , And I think that was about all we could say we were speechless and so full of different emotions it feels as though we have lost our baby already . Dr Simpson explained exactly what was wrong but we didn't really hear much of what he was saying .
can't believe our baby is so ill .

Wednesday 13th June 2001.
Scan at our local hospital to see if we are having a girl or a boy , we think its going to be a girl .
Its a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We decide to call her Molly.

Back to Guy's

Monday 23rd July 2001.

Appointment at Guys for another scan and a chat with one of the surgeons who would operate on Molly when the time came .
Mum came with us this time so we had a third pair of ears to listen to what we were being told , as last time there was a lot we couldn't remember . We were told that when Molly had the surgery there was a 50/50 chance of success . Then we had the scan which confirmed what Dr Simpson had already told us , but at least nothing had changed which meant things hadn't got any worse . We had a tour of all the wards Molly would be on icu's etc.
Its very hard to accept that while Molly is inside me she is fine but when she is born things will change . I've been told to try and carry on with the pregnancy as normal.

Tuesday 14th August 2001 .
Another appointment at Guys today , we were shown around the labour ward and we were told by the midwife that we would be in a large room because when Molly is ready to arrive there will be quite a few people there .

Thursday 20th September 2001 .
Last visit from my midwife Hazel today before we go to hospital , she has shown so much care and support over the last few months we decided to get her a lovely arrangement of flowers to say thank you.

Saturday 22nd September 2001 .
Going into hospital tomorrow for my induction of labour . Very scared , now all I can think about is little Molly I just pray she gets to lead as much as a normal life as possible.

Labour Induction

Sunday 23rd September 2001 .

Admission to Guys to be induced .
We had to be at the hospital by 8.00pm , we got there a bit earlier as Mark had to find the room they had arranged for him to stay in so he wasn't to far away , unfortunately the room organised was already taken so we had to wait for something else to be arranged . Mark has a room on one of the children's wards , not ideal but its somewhere for him to leave the bags .
Found antenatal ward mum and dad left us then it was just me and Mark . Two hours later I was booked in and given the first lot of Prostin thankfully Mark was allowed to stay with me all night I was to scared to be on my own I'm sure he felt better staying too .

Monday 24th September 2001 .
Given 2nd dose of prostin at 7am to try and get things moving , Mark went off to give everyone a progress report while I got breakfast , mum came back about 10am we sat in the day room watching TV.
I was given a 3rd dose of prostin at 2pm started to have a few niggles and tightening's but nothing much yet , we were told if nothing happens we might have to go home , mum left us about 7.30pm Mark and I just sat and watched t.v.
Decided it was time to go and sit by the bed at 10pm Mark was told to leave the ward and go home even though we are about 70 miles from home , I didn't want him to go I was scared and didn't want to be on my own or to think of Mark on his own it was a very long night .

Tuesday 25th September 2001 .
Up early today after a bad nights sleep Mark wasn't allowed back on the ward until 10am I wanted him there so much , had a nice bath and went and sat by my bed to wait for Mark .
At 8am a new midwife from the Thames team Manjit introduced herself and said the consultant was doing her rounds and would see me soon , she warned me they might want to do a caesarian section as the prostin wasn't doing much , and told me to have a think about it , I asked the midwife to page Mark I wanted him to be a part of the decision making and I was really missing him by now , thankfully he arrived just before the consultant saw me , we decided to go for another dose of prostin which I was given at 10am both Mark and mum went to make more calls I was examined yet again baby doing fine and I was 2cm dilated and the midwife was confident she could break my waters , so we were off to the labour ward , Mark came back and had to get my things together mum seemed to take ages and Mark was getting nervous and exited by now , mum came back and off we went to the labour ward , we were in a really big room , I was put back on the heart monitor at 2.30pm the midwife was ready to break my waters , Mark and mum left while she did that , she used what looked like a big blue crochet hook and managed to break my waters which came with a gush it was horrible . Mum came back again and the midwife was explaining about pain relief options I decided on an epidural , then Mark came back to find me laying on my side covered in green cloth and orange dye on my back mum held my hands while all this was being done , Mark had to write my details on two blood sample tubes .
I was then put on a drip to start the contractions with immediate effect now we just wait .
I couldn't feel my right hand side at all but there was as a small part on my left hand  side where I could feel every contraction I was put on my side and the pain soon went.

Welcome Molly

Molly...30 minutes old.

Wednesday 26th September 2001 .
At about 3am the midwife said I was nearly ready to start pushing , soon afterwards the doctor arrived along with the paediatrics and I started pushing I tried so hard but the doctor decided to use the ventouse but the cap kept coming off of Molly's head so she decided to try forceps , then suddenly our beautiful little girl was born weighing 7lb 9oz she didn't cry straight away but then we heard our daughters cry , I got to touch Molly's face before she was taken down to intensive care Mark went with her at least she had her daddy there . I was exhausted but couldn't wait to see our little girl . After some time Mark came back with a photo of our daughter Molly , she was just the best , perfect . I really wanted to go and see Molly so Mark rang down to intensive care to make sure it was ok , they told him Molly had taken a turn for the worst , then two doctors came to see us asking for consent to perform a procedure on Molly to get the oxygen moving round her little body , we were then taken to see our little girl I felt sick but had convinced myself she would be ok , she lay there so still , lots of people around her , lots of machines it was awful , we were then told they could perform surgery but it could severely damage our little girl if it was successful then we were told they needed to release some oxygen from her lungs we had to leave we couldn't bear to see our daughter like that , we went back upstairs and I had my first cigarette for nine months , went back to our room , then two midwifes came in one of them was carrying a camera our stomaches sank , they wanted us to go and see Molly quickly we knew the next bit was going to be bad .
We were taken into the office where Dr Simpson started to explain what was wrong , a nurse came in and said things were deteriorating , he came back in and sat down and told us our precious little girl had died . Wednesday 26th September was the best and worst day of our lives .

Thursday 4th October 2001 .
Today is the day of little Molly's funeral we have asked for flowers to be just from Mark and myself and the money other people would have spent on flowers to be donated to a charity called Left Heart Matters . Mark carried Molly's little coffin to her final resting place , I am so proud of him . We still have each other and the brief memories of our little angel .

Darling Molly not a day goes by without us thinking of you , even though you were only with us for such a very short time we will cherish your memory forever .
All our love
Mummy & Daddy .

We would like to take the opportunity to thank all of our family , friends near and far and all at chd-uk for their continued support .